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--- 195712 [2018/11/20 11:27] – tyreless
+++ 195712 [2018/11/20 13:32] – tyreless
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 |December 14-15|__Bundeena to Burning Palms__. Tracks most of the way except for a few burnt out scrub patches on the headlands. Approx half a dozen beaches will be passed, providing good swimming. Good coastal shots for the photographer. Remember to take your sun-burn cream and hat. Approx cost 10/-.|
 |15|__Rudolf Cup Boat Race - Audley__. See Colin Putt re transport. As in previous years meet at boat shed approximately 9.30 a.m. Crews will be organised then. Make sure your gear is wrapped in a suitable waterproof material as chances of getting wet are guaranteed. Approx. cost 15/- inclusive of fares.|
 |24-25-26-27-28-29|__Davies Canyon Trip__ as advertised in November issue.|
@@ Line 164: / Line 163: @@
 ----
-=====Caution - The Guffaw Listens!=====
+===== Caution - The Guffaw Listens! =====
 The following document, or part thereof of a document, was found on the Club-room floor at 2139 hours on the night of Wednesday, 13th Nov. 1957. It was discovered by one of our members, and passed immediately to our President. The member reported that he heard an evil guffaw behind him, quite audibly, but when he looked around, there was not a soul in sight. Instead he found the document which is reproduced below. It is feared that the document may have some obscure connection with the forthcoming Rudolf Cup Boat Race.
-====FLOP SECRET====
+=== Flop Secret. ===
-This document is FLOP SECRET. It must NOT fall into ENEMY hands, or the hands of any other Club. If found somewhere else, tear off and report to the President who will give a due-fly signed receipt.
+This document is FLOP SECRET. It must NOT fall into ENEMY hands, or the hands of any other Club. If found somewhere else, tear off and report to the President who will give a due-lly signed receipt.
 -428/57
-PLANS & SPECIFICATIONS
-For:
+Plans & Specifications for:
-MACHINES ARTILLERY COUNTER-BOMBARDMENT OFFERING PIECEMEAL
-Type: Mark I 0.5 Flour
+=== Machines Artillery, Counter-Bombardment, Offering Piecemeal. ===
-Short Title: The MACBOP Mark One
+__Type: Mark I 0.5 Flour__
+__Short Title__: The MACBOP Mark One
 Maximum Range: 30 yards
-Effective Range: with FD Type Bomb (Dry) 10 yds. with FW Type Bomb (Wet) 20 "
-Height of Trajectory at maximum range: 20 feet
-Effective rate of fire (without interference): 20 Bombs per Hour
-" week
-Effect on Enemy Morale:
-With such a trajectory the weapon is essentially a weapon of surprise. Using both types of bomb the effect on enemy morale is devastating. On first indications they turn PALE. Provided the
-M.A.C.B.O.P. is used to best tactical advantage they are also likely to turn TALE and run.
-Effective "Burst" area: Head and shoulders
-Weight of Charge: Standard - Half pound Supercharge - Pound
-Surcharge - sixpence per round
-Medical Indications (Genevieve Convention 1955).
-) The bombed victim turns pale and manifests symptoms of being an albinoid.
-) Pulse rate goes up and the heart pounds
-) The victim sustains a temporary loss of sight
-) Breathing.may become difficult
-) With the W Type Bomb the victim may experience some difficulty in moving the limbs due to the glutinous nature of the charge after impact.
-.
-) Treatment of Victims, The application of a pinch of salt and sugar along with a little heat will effectively Damper the victim's sufferings. After cooking, removal is easy. Undertakers of such procedure should seek a doctor's approval before removal.
-The President views this discovery with Some concern. On crosschecking with our "Scientific Development Sub-Committee" he gleaned that we have no offensive-weapon projects under way, due, in part, to a ,temporary lack of revenue. Such being the case, we are forced to draw the very serious conclusion that we have an unknown enemy within the camp. Further to such discovery, it would appear that the said  enemy is already well advanced in the development of the said weapons- project.
-Due to the extreme seriousness of the situation, the Editor and several members have been clubbed together. As a result, they have ' offered the following reward:
- REWARD
-A Reward of One Thousand (1000) Hobs is offered for the apprehension, within the precincts of the  Club-rooms, of  the unknown person, or member, with the Evil Guffaw.'
-FOR ALL YOUR TRANSPORT PROBLEMS  CONTACT
-HATSWELL'S TAXI & TOURIST SERVICE
-RING, WRITE, WIRE or GALL
-ANY HOUR, DAY or NIGHT
-'PHONE: B'heath W459 or W151 Booking Office - 4 doors from Gardners Inn Hotel (LOOK FOR THE NEON SIGN)
-SPEEDY 5 OR 8 PASSENGER CARS AVAILABLE
-LARGE OR SMALL PARTIES CATERED FOR
-FARES: KANANGRA WALLS 30/- per head (minimum 5 passengers)
-PERRY'S LOOKDOWN ff If ff
-JENOLAN STATE FOREST 20/- VI If ft
-CARLON'S FARM 10/- " " ff
-WE WILL BE PLEASED TO QUOTE OTHER TRIPS OR SPECIAL PARTIES ON APPLICATION
-=====This is the "Goon" Type October Walks Report or "Rhubarb Rhubarb Rhubarb"=====
+Effective Range: With FD Type Bomb (Dry) 10 yds. With FW Type Bomb (Wet) 20 yds.
+Height of Trajectory at maximum range: 20 feet.
+Effective rate of fire (without interference): 20 Bombs per Hour, 3360 Bombs per week.
+__Effect on Enemy Morale__:
+With such a trajectory the weapon is essentially a weapon of surprise. Using both types of bomb the effect on enemy morale is devastating. On first indications they turn PALE. Provided the M.A.C.B.O.P. is used to best tactical advantage they are also likely to turn TALE and run.
+__Effective "Burst" area__: Head and shoulders.
+__Weight of Charge__: Standard - Half pound. Supercharge - Pound. Surcharge - sixpence per round.
+__Medical Indications (Genevieve Convention 1955)__.
+  - The bombed victim turns pale and manifests symptoms of being an albinoid.
+  - Pulse rate goes up and the heart pounds.
+  - The victim sustains a temporary loss of sight.
+  - Breathing may become difficult.
+  - With the W Type Bomb the victim may experience some difficulty in moving the limbs due to the glutinous nature of the charge after impact.
+  - __Treatment of Victims__. The application of a pinch of salt and sugar along with a little heat will effectively Damper the victim's sufferings. After cooking, removal is easy. Undertakers of such procedure should seek a doctor's approval before removal.
+- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
+The President views this discovery with some concern. On cross-checking with our "Scientific Development Sub-Committee" he gleaned that we have no offensive-weapon projects under way, due, in part, to a temporary lack of revenue. Such being the case, we are forced to draw the very serious conclusion that we have an unknown enemy within the camp. Further to such discovery, it would appear that the said enemy is already well advanced in the development of the said weapons-project.
+Due to the extreme seriousness of the situation, the Editor and several members have been clubbed together. As a result, they have offered the following reward:
+=== Reward. ===
+A Reward of One Thousand (1000) Hobs is offered for the apprehension, within the precincts of the  Club-rooms, of  the unknown person, or member, with the Evil Guffaw.
+----
+=== Hattswell's Taxi and Tourist Service. ===
+For all your transport problems contact Hattswell's Taxi and Tourist Service. Ring, write, wire or call any hour, day or night.
+Telephone: Blackheath 129 or 249. Booking Office - 4 doors from Gardner's Inn Hote1 (look for the neon sign.)
+Speedy 5 or 8 passenger cars available. Large or small parties catered for.
+Fares:
+  * Kanangra Walls - 30/- per head (minimum 5 passengers)
+  * Perry's Lookdown - 3/- per head (minimum 5 passengers)
+  * Jenolan State Forest - 20/- per head (minimum 5 passengers)
+  * Carlon's Farm - 10/- per head (minimum 5 passengers)
+We will be pleased to quote other trips or special parties on application.
+----
+===== This is the "Goon" Type October Walks Report. =====
+or
+=== "Rhubarb, Rhubarb, Rhubarb" ===
 Written by that "Charlie" B. Anderson - Walks Secretary
-The Place In the lounge room of Mr. Anderson's home at Coogee.
+__The Place__: In the lounge room of Mr. Anderson's home at Coogee. Mr. Anderson is in his favourite lounge chair reading the Sunday papers.
-Mr. Anderson is in his favourite lounge chair reading the Sunday papers.
-The Time It's 7.30 p.m., Sunday evening.
-The Action His son, Brian turns on the radio
-The Result- A riot. Because from the radio is heard - "This the HOME
- Service of the B.B,C. We present, (pause) the highly esteemed GOON SHOW". (Burp) And from Mr Anderson, (no pause) "Turn that b---- programme off. It's nothing more than unadulterated ridiculous trash and nonsense, only fit for the minds of ratbags".
-Which of course brings MB back to the October Walks Report, Actually this is where the report really begins.
+__The Time__: It's 7.30 p.m., Sunday evening.
-My friend, spy and also famed international idiot, Count Moriarty has reported to me strange carrying-ons, concerning a party of twelve Charlies who dilly-dallied down the Dilly during the October lung weekend. It would appear that Major Bloodknock's niece, Miss Margaret
- Ryan (especially imported from Ireland to 'do this job) had surreptitiously poured vast volumes of Creme de Menthe and Benedictine into her innocent fellow walkers and talkers. In fact, this campaign was
-so successful, the leaders and party were rendered powerless against
-the fantastic forces of white antism. Needless to say, the party didn't
-go over Beloon Pass into the Nattai River, but carried on down the
-Wollondilly to Central Burragorang.
-At this stage I'd like to point out that Beloon Pass is not to be
+__The Action__: His son, Brian turns on the radio.
-confused with the South Col of Everest. This has been a very common mistake with many of our members. Probably this mistake is due to the fact that the number of unsuccessful S.B.W. attempts to find and climb Baloon Pass is equal to the number of attempts on the South Col.
+__The Result__: A riot. Because from the radio is heard - "This is the Home Service of the B.B.C. We present, (pause) the highly esteemed GOON SHOW". (Burp) And from Mr Anderson, (no pause) "Turn that b---- programme off. It's nothing more than unadulterated ridiculous trash and nonsense, only fit for the minds of ratbags".
+Which of course brings me back to the October Walks Report. Actually this is where the report really begins.
+My friend, spy and also famed international idiot, Count Moriarty has reported to me strange carrying-ons, concerning a party of twelve Charlies who dilly-dallied down the Dilly during the October long weekend. It would appear that Major Bloodknock's niece, Miss Margaret Ryan (especially imported from Ireland to do this job) had surreptitiously poured vast volumes of Creme de Menthe and Benedictine into her innocent fellow walkers and talkers. In fact, this campaign was so successful, the leaders and party were rendered powerless against the fantastic forces of white antism. Needless to say, the party didn't go over Beloon Pass into the Nattai River, but carried on down the Wollondilly to Central Burragorang.
+At this stage I'd like to point out that Beloon Pass is not to be confused with the South Col of Everest. This has been a very common mistake with many of our members. Probably this mistake is due to the fact that the number of unsuccessful S.B.W. attempts to find and climb Baloon Pass is equal to the number of attempts on the South Col.
 However, getting back to the subject, these now vanishing quantities of spirits were not the only contributing factors which changed the route of this trip. Pictures of bushfires and samples of water from dry creeks, not to mention the parties habitual habit of arguing on two vital subjects from daylight to dark also had a big part in influencing this solid party. These two controversial subjects may interest you, Miss Social Secretary, for a club evening. After seeing how twelve people argued, over them, heaven only knows what would happen at a club meeting. They were -
 a) Should a bushwalker marry another bushwalker? (of the opposite sex of course).
-b) Do Dance Halls lead to sin and sex?. (and they mean more-than 5% too),
+b) Do Dance Halls lead to sin and sex? (and they mean more than 5% too).
 Now this is where the report really begins.
 The other two long weekend walks failed to start due to lack of starters.
-During the second weekend of October, Major Bloodknock of the Royal 5th Deserters (I have already mentioned this slob) summoned his car driven chauffeur and proceeded west to cover Colin Putt's walk in the south and John Noble's walk in the north. It goes without saying that the only report forthcoming was in the newspaper the other day where an army major was seen at Ayres Rock in a hysterical condition shouting "Putto! Putto! Putto!"
+During the second weekend of October, Major Bloodknock of the Royal 5th Deserters (I have already mentioned this slob) summoned his car driven chauffeur and proceeded west to cover Colin Putt's walk in the south and John Noble's walk in the north. It goes without saying that the only report forthcoming was in the newspaper the other day where an army major was seen at Ayres Rock in a hysterical condition shouting Putto! Putto! Putto!
 Dear readers, I agree with you, this Bloodknock character has the ear marks of being an ideal S.B.W. leader.
@@ Line 246: / Line 275: @@
 Getting back to vital statistics, Colin was accompanied by ten members and two prospective Charlies. The trip has been reported as going per programme. However on the other hand John Noble's party of two prospectives were forced to turn back due to bushfires in the surrounding Cowan area.
-With only one walk going as per programme so far, I ventured forth
+With only one walk going as per programme so far, I ventured forth with mixed feelings and Neddy Seagoon to investigate the following weekends walking activities. On our way there, Neddy in his usual sophisticated way kept mumbling about some Charlie who when asked, "How did your walk go?", always broke out into operatic song.
-with mixed feelings and Neddy Seagoon to investigate the following weekends walking activities. On our way there, Neddy in his usual sophisticated way kept mumbling about Some Charlie who when asked, "How did your walk go?", always broke out into operatic song.
-Of course, knowing Neddy to be just a poor twisted boy I refused to be dragged into conversation by such a ridiculous statement. Leaders reporting their walks by sons. What next?
+Of course, knowing Neddy to be just a poor twisted boy I refused to be dragged into conversation by such a ridiculous statement. Leaders reporting their walks by song. What next?
+To save time we stopped at the first telephone box. I had reached a stage now with this festering report, that the vital statistics (how many went etc.) of the walk, would be enough for me to complete the report.
-To save time we stopped at the first telephone box. I had reached
-a stage now with this festering report, that the vital statistics (how many went etc.) of the walk, would be enough for me to complete the report.
 So I rang the first leader's number. The phone rang with a sexy 5% type purr. When the receiver was finally lifted I asked in my usual manner, "Would you give me the vital statistics of your walk last weekend?" To my horror a soft female voice answered, "34-24-34 with a wobble".
@@ Line 264: / Line 292: @@
 To my horror again the leader broke out in to an operatic song as follows -
-This bloody trip's too bloody hot, This Summer walking's bloody rot, Here's a party who'd rather not, Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
-The bloody guard on the mountain train Was up to his bloody tricks again
+This bloody trip's too bloody hot,\\
-And we couldn't reach the bloody chain, Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
+This Summer walking's bloody rot,\\
+Here's a party who'd rather not,\\
+Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
-The bloody way is bloody long,
+The bloody guard on the mountain train\\
-The road we took was bloody wrong, I'd sell my pack for a bloody song, Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
+Was up to his bloody tricks again\\
+And we couldn't reach the bloody chain,\\
+Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
-The bloody Nepean's too thick to drink, Take a swim - you couldn't sink,
+The bloody way is bloody long,\\
-We've made the bloody creek -1 think, Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
+The road we took was bloody wrong,\\
+I'd sell my pack for a bloody song,\\
+Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
-There's a bloody ban on bloody fires, Won't someone chase these. bloody flies, Lookout:There's more bloody fencing wires, Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
+The bloody Nepean's too thick to drink,\\
+Take a swim - you couldn't sink,\\
+We've made the bloody creek -1 think,\\
+Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
-This bloody primus is bloody good - A hot cuppa with our cold food,
+There's a bloody ban on bloody fires,\\
-And you don't have to carry firewood, Oh, bloody, bloody, bloody!
+Won't someone chase these bloody flies,\\
+Lookout! There's more bloody fencing wires,\\
+Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
-The bloody creek's too bloody low, There's hardly water to cover my toe and the bloody party's too bloody slow, Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
+This bloody primus is bloody good -\\
+A hot cuppa with our cold food,\\
+And you don't have to carry firewood,\\
+Oh, bloody, bloody, bloody!
-We'll never make the bloody bend, We'll climb this bloody ridge instead, And lunch is by the Grose's bed, Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
+The bloody creek's too bloody low,\\
+There's hardly water to cover my toe\\
+and the bloody party's too bloody slow,\\
+Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
-The best laid plans of mice and men - I'll never lead a walk again,
+We'll never make the bloody bend,\\
-Will reach the Grose tonight at ten Oh, bloody, bloody, bloody!
+We'll climb this bloody ridge instead,\\
+And lunch is by the Grose's bed,\\
+Oh bloody, bloody, bloody!
+The best laid plans of mice and men -\\
+I'll never lead a walk again,\\
+Will reach the Grose tonight at ten\\
+Oh, bloody, bloody, bloody!
 Well, I was flabbergasted I was amazed, singing walks reports, what next?
 You poor twisted leader. (The leader who wrote the above musical report wishes to remain anonymous).
-In order to finish this report I sent that bird-brain Bluebottle and his delinquent friend Eccles out to cover the last two walks, Actually I should have known better than to send these two as you can
-see from the following recorded interview.
+In order to finish this report I sent that bird-brain Bluebottle and his delinquent friend Eccles out to cover the last two walks. Actually I should have known better than to send these two as you can see from the following recorded interview.
 "Well, how did you get on?" inquired the Walks Sec.
-"Fine! Fine:" replied Eccles in his juvenile voice.
-. "I know you probably got on fine, but what did you find out?" inquired the Walks Sec again, keeping his voice down to a shout. "Nothing, my Capytain's chipped in Bluebottle.
+"Fine! Fine!" replied Eccles in his juvenile voice.
-"Nothing?" roared the Walks See.
-"No, my Capytain" replied Bluebottle again, "The Carrington Falls
+"I know you probably got on fine, but what did you find out?" inquired the Walks Sec. again, keeping his voice down to a shout.
-walk didn't go and the other led by John White ended up in Blue Gum". "By the great measurements of Sabrina", thundered the Walks Sec.
-"is there no walk that can go as per programme?"
+"Nothing, my Capytain's chipped in Bluebottle.
+"Nothing?" roared the Walks Sec.
+"No, my Capytain" replied Bluebottle again, "The Carrington Falls walk didn't go and the other led by John White ended up in Blue Gum".
+"By the great measurements of Sabrina", thundered the Walks Sec. "is there no walk that can go as per programme?"
 "Now, my poor frustrated Walks Sec. calm down", soothed Eccles, "actually John and his party of five were forced to change their walk due to bushfires, but from here I must confess, confusion over an alternate trip prevailed to such an extent that John didn't know whether he was going to Colong Caves or walking backwards to Christmas across the Blue Labyrinth.
@@ Line 303: / Line 363: @@
 Dear readers, you have just read the last of the Goon Type October Walks Report.
+----
 =====White Ant Borings=====